Day 1: The Two Fateful Lines

I'm not sure where those two lines found you -if they were a surprise, if they were a prayer answered, if they are still a hope, or if they are a distant memory- but I do know that in that moment underneath all of the feelings of joy, excitement, and shock there was another feeling you'd never felt so strongly before: worry.

There's a difference, at least for me, between fear and worry.  Fear is an emotion while worry is a state of action- a thought process, one caused for me by a complete loss of control for the first time in my life.  It is a blessing and a curse this worry; it confirms that your head and heart are in the right place -that you're on the road to acquiring the selflessness that is required by mamahood. But it also begins the self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, comparison i.e. Mama Wars, and the "if I just do/buy this one thing -the nursery, the baby, my family- will be just as I pictured".

Well mama, I'm going to rip the band-aid off.  The worry never goes away, but it is one of the only things you'll be able to control in your life again.  No amount of fretting over the Wall of Nipples, the crib bedding, or the way the baby will impact your relationships and social life will make it easier.  You will drive yourself to the brink of crazy and just make mamahood that much harder than it already is.  And friend, it is really, really, hard.

Your fears have a place, and they will come -sprinkled throughout the joy, excitement and all the preparations- but don't let them turn into worries.  The first thing you need as a mama? Good people.  So, go get them, reconnect with them, let them know you need them.  Good people will listen to your fears, hold your hand, and help you quiet them.

This post is part of a 31 day series: Hey Mama! A Crash Course Introduction to Mamahood where I share the things I wish I would have known or would have been told throughout my pregnancy, labor and delivery, and into those early days, weeks, and months of Mamahood.  It's part of the 31 Days Movement and it's letting me put ink to the page again- which is something this new mama desperately needed.

1 comment:

Bethany said...

For me, when I GIVE UP the worry, I allow peace to reside. And when the peace is in place I feel as if life slows down a little and I'm able feel more of the joy. I look forward to reading the next 30 days :)